Dear Anxiety #Poem

I’m a little bit anxious, that my anxiety is about to come back

I feel it in my heartbeat, I can feel it in my chest

I don’t want to be medicated with these drugs anymore

That have this unpronounceable name and this orange colour

I don’t want to need them to survive the night, to keep me from wandering, to keep me alive

 

It’s unnatural, toxic, addictive and trash

The substance I put in my body just to feel at my best

It was not fully my own choice to get prescribed

But at that time I needed it, just to stay alive

 

It might sound dramatic and a little bit overdone

But only if you experience yourself, you know the battle that is fought

It can’t be described, it can’t be explained

There’s no value in only the name

 

Anxiety, you’re my biggest fear

I’m afraid of your return, I’m afraid I’ll never learn

Once the end of my pills is there

How to manage having control

Over my body and my brain

My soul gets swept away

Everytime, all the time, it takes over my eyesight

It keeps me from hearing, it keeps me from feeling

I can’t distinguish between what is real and what is not

The room starts to turn, I hear the pounding of my heart

 

Figures seem to change and I can’t seem to move

I feel like I’m dying, but I am frozen at the same time

I try to calm myself, breathe in and out

But the feeling’s getting stronger, I can’t find my way out

 

It’s taking over, taking my energy and my breath

My head feels lighter, I can’t speak anymore

I have no clue how to do that

 

It’s eating me alive, starting from the inside

I feel it in my hands and my knees

In my chest and my feet

Turning colder, but turning hot

I start sweating, but I’m scared of my racing heart

My vision’s tunneled, I can’t focus no more

My mind is blank, survival mode is on

 

Please don’t let me relive all this

I’m not sure if I can handle it

Another time, another fight against something’s that inside

Against my own imagination, my own peace of mind

Maybe I need my medication still, but I won’t admit

It’s better to live without it and to find natural solutions

For fighting these demons in my mind, to clear my confusion

 

 

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