I Am Not Blue, I Am Gray #Thoughts

Sometimes there is just nothing. No motivation to write, no interest in singing or creating, no urge to even do anything. It’s just emptiness passing by. Although, I hope this feeling is only passing by because it is draining all of my energy, leaving me hallow inside. I hate it when I feel this way. Unmotivated, lazy – or just exhausted, and disinterested. I am not even blue, I am grey. I feel nothing, but I wish I did. There’s no joyness, there is no sadness, there’s just emptiness. It steals my time, my energy and my creativity. Swallows it, burns it or hides it away for me to find it back again.

But what if this time, I won’t be able to find these things back again? What if I’m stuck this time, for a longer time? I hope not, I pray to God this is not the case.

Deep down, I know this will also pass, just like every thing else. I know this is just a depression-episode, and I know next week I will feel on top of the world again. But not right now. Right now I have to swallow my pride, fight against the tides, while wait for the storm to pass. I know I will get there, again – getting better again.

I guess a part of me will always be lost, will always feel lost. That’s one thing I need to accept… I should accept.

 

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