Sometimes I feel like I’m bothering people, with my songs, writings, emotions, feelings, or even my presence. People don’t tell me, but they may think. I am afraid they all get tired of me, or maybe they already are. It tears me up inside, this way of thinking. I don’t want to bother… but maybe I do. I know I shouldn’t be this insecure, but sometimes it gets me and drags me down, deeper and deeper.
I am aware of the fact that I may be ‘too much’ sometimes. Too happy, too sad, too present, too absent. I try to express myself in every way possible, in different kinds of art, in different shapes and different forms. I need to express, it kills me when I don’t. But I also have the intense urge to share. To share everything, every expression, every emotion, every thought and every story. At least, not always in person while speaking, but through writing or singing. Is that bad? Or is it just something typical about being an artist? Believe me, trust me, when I say, I don’t share for recognition or appreciation. I don’t really care about receiving compliments. Of course, I like to be complimented, but it’s not something I crave for. I just don’t know any of the reasons why I share so much. There’s this need for it I can’t explain. Maybe I long for others to share something more, about themselves, about their lives, their stories, their thoughts, emotions, fears and dreams. Maybe there is a part of me trying to communicate with the deepest parts of somebody else.
Everyone’s hiding what they are feeling. Nobody’s talking about their deepest pains, needs, desires, fears and cravings. And the funny thing is, everyone is pretending they don’t feel anything, but everyone is feeling so so much. But no one shows. I do, maybe too much, but at least I’m not pretending to be okay when I’m not.
People do feel alone, a lot of the time, because they don’t feel understood. It’s because nobody’s talking, in moments there is a need to talk.