My mind is everywhere, my thoughts all over the place. They’re floating around and never settling down. Running in circles, pacing back and forth.
The thing is, I’m always impatient. There are always too many things I want to do, to have or to experience. Too many ideas in my mind and worlds I want to explore. Sometimes it even hurts, hurts my head and my body. I want it all and I want it now. I’m afraid of missing out and afraid of wasting time. Making plans and setting up goals, but cancelling them because I get nervous. I’m always nervous. For the things that are yet to come and for the things that have already been. Lost in anticipation, while chasing my imagination.
I feel so frustrated, today has not been good. Negative energy has filled my body, from the crown of my head to the tips of my toes. I feel the fire inside me burning, melting my heart away, leaving nothing but dust and the smell of blood.
I feel the need to write, but my hands are shivering, heavy and filled with adrenaline, wanting to disconnect from my body. My mind is racing, my heartbeat pacing, my eyes are searching, while my breath is stuck and my heart is breaking.
I want to go from here, but the borders are thick and there are ties that bind me.
I want the know the unknown, but I’m only safe and sound in the familiar.
I love to wander, but I’m afraid of getting lost.
I want to have a choice, but I’m bad at making decisions.
I want to play the game, but I can’t bear to lose.
I crave for understanding, but I don’t want to be understood.
I don’t want to be lonely, but most people around me choke me.
I want to be loved, but I don’t want them to love me.
I want a connection, but I don’t want attachment.
I need space, but the space itself is killing me.
I want a conversation, but I don’t want to talk.
I want the silence, but the quiet is too loud.
I feel the need to try, but I’m afraid of failing.
I want to see the stars, but I’m afraid of the dark.
I want to fly, but I’m afraid of the height.
I want change, but change scares me.
I need to sleep, but I’m afraid of my dreams.